Post by Alexander Felix on Sept 26, 2012 19:24:18 GMT -5
There were days Alex couldn't help but wonder... What if he had chosen a different path? What if he had just taken a local job, a state trooper job? What would it feel like, what would he be doing now? He would be able to visit his family, his childhood friends, and anyone else he cared to without fear of bringing harm to them, without fear of bringing death dealers like these to their front doors with a vendetta. But would he be happier? Would he enjoy his life more? What kind of man would he have become? How different would he have been? These were questions he'd never really have answers to, which frustrated the hell out of him. He would never really knew if he picked the right path in life or not...
God, he might've had a wife and kids at this age if things had gone differently. If he wasn't constantly moving around, constantly lying... Unable to just be himself under any circumstances. Unable to be able to walk in someplace and even say his own real name, pass out his own social security number, take a paycheck in his own name, nothing. Alexander Colton Felix wasn't even his real name, damn it. It was just his name for the past year and a half. God, some days he didn't even remember his own real name - and that scared him to death. The distinction between fabricated and real became blurred when you lived a fabrication for so damned long.
In school they always taught like things were cut and dried. If someone did this in a car, you ticketed them. You said their Miranda rights, and wrote a ticket their way. They'd show up in court or arrange their own shit, whatever. Not your problem. Same thing with any other crime, you had set things that you were supposed to do, and how you were supposed to do them. Real work, Alex had learned, was nothing like that. He had goals he had to accomplish, and he could do anything and everything in his power to accomplish those goals. But damn didn't he cry foul at the freedom sometimes, because it came at a terrible price. He hadn't lived a normal life in what felt like eternity, hadn't laid down in his own bed without locking the windows, double checking the doors, and keeping a gun in arm's length nearby. Hadn't walked down the street in years without looking over his shoulder, hoping his day of reckoning was a little bit farther away.
Things were a lot crazier out in the field. Out in the real world. People never appeared as they seemed, and everyone had their own hidden agenda. Agendas it was people like Alex's jobs to discover and get out of where they found it to the authorities so they could run with it. Cases like this they didn't want a few of the lower rung guys, they wanted the big fish and all of the lieutenants. That was the goal, anyway. And he didn't know if he could do it some days. He wondered at the end of the day if he would just... Happen to lose certain evidence for people like Liam who really don't deserve what the feds want to give to him. Alex had a great feeling about that man from the first time he met him, and he hit right on the mark on that one - and sometimes he hadn't been so lucky.
Take the woman who would probably step through the door of the Mariano's at any moment now for instance. Alexander used to have the biggest crush on her when he first came onto the job. That infatuation was tempered with time and the entire thing she did where she treated him like shit. All the time. He didn't know if it was the fact that he was friends with Liam, her hated step brother, or even if it was that he was a fellow sniper, or even if she just seemed to hate him in particular for no reason. He never quite understood it, but it was never his place to question. She was the golden girl, as was evidenced with his first mission with her not even two weeks ago as her spotter. He had hoped it would be an experience that would possibly improve their thus far one sided encounters that left him feeling like shit, but that wasn't meant to be, not in the least. It wasn't that Alex was incompetent, he had more than proven his worth to the Mariano family. It was just... Well, Mona was a bitch. There was no way around that, none at all. In his experience with her, she had done nothing but be a complete and utter one. Damn if his heart didn't race whenever he saw her walk by though...
The murder was a success, cut and dried. Surgically efficient. He might've been imagining it, but she didn't seem to berate him as much as he was used to on the way back. Hopefully it was from the budding respect and admiration that would make him another murder psychopath best friend, but if not - that was fine with him too. There would be less dangerous and crazy ones down the road, he was certain. Ones that couldn't kill him from a mile away for forgetting the damned milk or something. She said she wanted to talk to him, and being the obediant dog he had to be - he did so. And she was late, probably on purpose. To piss him off. She knew he was her lapdog now, and since he was Liam's friend she probably took special pleasure in it - and come strutting in any minute now like she was the queen of the world. She knew she had the position, and she knew she had the looks, and she knew that Alex was completely harmless to her, and planned accordingly what seemed like every single encounter they had. Bitch.
God, he might've had a wife and kids at this age if things had gone differently. If he wasn't constantly moving around, constantly lying... Unable to just be himself under any circumstances. Unable to be able to walk in someplace and even say his own real name, pass out his own social security number, take a paycheck in his own name, nothing. Alexander Colton Felix wasn't even his real name, damn it. It was just his name for the past year and a half. God, some days he didn't even remember his own real name - and that scared him to death. The distinction between fabricated and real became blurred when you lived a fabrication for so damned long.
In school they always taught like things were cut and dried. If someone did this in a car, you ticketed them. You said their Miranda rights, and wrote a ticket their way. They'd show up in court or arrange their own shit, whatever. Not your problem. Same thing with any other crime, you had set things that you were supposed to do, and how you were supposed to do them. Real work, Alex had learned, was nothing like that. He had goals he had to accomplish, and he could do anything and everything in his power to accomplish those goals. But damn didn't he cry foul at the freedom sometimes, because it came at a terrible price. He hadn't lived a normal life in what felt like eternity, hadn't laid down in his own bed without locking the windows, double checking the doors, and keeping a gun in arm's length nearby. Hadn't walked down the street in years without looking over his shoulder, hoping his day of reckoning was a little bit farther away.
Things were a lot crazier out in the field. Out in the real world. People never appeared as they seemed, and everyone had their own hidden agenda. Agendas it was people like Alex's jobs to discover and get out of where they found it to the authorities so they could run with it. Cases like this they didn't want a few of the lower rung guys, they wanted the big fish and all of the lieutenants. That was the goal, anyway. And he didn't know if he could do it some days. He wondered at the end of the day if he would just... Happen to lose certain evidence for people like Liam who really don't deserve what the feds want to give to him. Alex had a great feeling about that man from the first time he met him, and he hit right on the mark on that one - and sometimes he hadn't been so lucky.
Take the woman who would probably step through the door of the Mariano's at any moment now for instance. Alexander used to have the biggest crush on her when he first came onto the job. That infatuation was tempered with time and the entire thing she did where she treated him like shit. All the time. He didn't know if it was the fact that he was friends with Liam, her hated step brother, or even if it was that he was a fellow sniper, or even if she just seemed to hate him in particular for no reason. He never quite understood it, but it was never his place to question. She was the golden girl, as was evidenced with his first mission with her not even two weeks ago as her spotter. He had hoped it would be an experience that would possibly improve their thus far one sided encounters that left him feeling like shit, but that wasn't meant to be, not in the least. It wasn't that Alex was incompetent, he had more than proven his worth to the Mariano family. It was just... Well, Mona was a bitch. There was no way around that, none at all. In his experience with her, she had done nothing but be a complete and utter one. Damn if his heart didn't race whenever he saw her walk by though...
The murder was a success, cut and dried. Surgically efficient. He might've been imagining it, but she didn't seem to berate him as much as he was used to on the way back. Hopefully it was from the budding respect and admiration that would make him another murder psychopath best friend, but if not - that was fine with him too. There would be less dangerous and crazy ones down the road, he was certain. Ones that couldn't kill him from a mile away for forgetting the damned milk or something. She said she wanted to talk to him, and being the obediant dog he had to be - he did so. And she was late, probably on purpose. To piss him off. She knew he was her lapdog now, and since he was Liam's friend she probably took special pleasure in it - and come strutting in any minute now like she was the queen of the world. She knew she had the position, and she knew she had the looks, and she knew that Alex was completely harmless to her, and planned accordingly what seemed like every single encounter they had. Bitch.
